Book Review - Gospel Powered Parenting

It would be an understatement to say that many books have been written on parenting. Thousands have surely been written in the last few decades. So why another one? William P. Farley says that it’s obvious by looking at the next generation that “Christian parenting is in disarray.” In his book Gospel-Powered Parenting, Farley addresses the concern that many in the church have: too many children raised in Christian homes are turning away from Christ.

The reason for this, says Farley, is that the church has forgotten that the priority of Christian discipline and instruction of children is that of the parents, not the church. He says, “The point of this book is that God normally exercises his sovereignty through parents who faithfully practice biblical parenting.” (pg. 22) “Effective parents equip their children to overcome the world – not by changing and controlling their environment (things external to their children), but by going after their children’s hearts.” (pg. 24) Gospel-Powered Parents realize the power of the Gospel to change lives and trust in the new birth to bring changed behavior.

The focus of Gospel-Powered Parenting is exactly that; the Gospel. “Going after children’s hearts” means that we recognize that children are born as enemies of God and they need the grace of God applied to them in the cross to overcome their sin. A couple of assumptions by many Christian parents can be deadly to a child’s soul: that they are born innocent or that because they participate in church functions they have received new life in Christ. These will doom a parent’s efforts to raise a child biblically. “New birth is known by its fruits, not by a decision. The most important fruit is hunger for God himself. Effective parents assume this, and patiently wait for sustained fruit before they render a verdict.” (pg. 30)

The first half of Gospel-Powered Parenting is a focus on the Gospel itself. The chapters explain the need for parents themselves to be bathed in the Gospel and then their responsibility to parent with a focus on the child’s eternity in mind. The Gospel is explained in terms of the fear of God, His holiness (and wrath), and God’s grace and love displayed to us on the cross. It is important for Farley to emphasize clarity on the Gospel as the remainder of the book explains how it is applied to parenting.

The final few chapters of the book are more practical in their help to apply the Gospel in parenting. Farley notes that there is actually very little written in the Bible about how to raise children. This, he says, is because “the gospel is the classroom that teaches us everything we need to know to become effective Christian parents. If we really understand the gospel, and know how to apply it to our marriages and parenting, we have all the tools we need to pass the baton to our children.” (pg. 46)
“Parents who trust in the power of the gospel teach it to their children. They relate their dinner discussion to it. They teach it through their discipline. They attend churches that preach the gospel clearly and decisively. They center their family devotions on it…They relate all of life to Christ’s incarnation, life, death, resurrection, and ascension. They read and teach the entire Bible to their children, but they always relate its parts to its center, to the gospel.” (pg. 184)

These more immediately applicable chapters of Gospel-Powered Parenting suggest five basic tools that are essential to assuring that your children hear and experience the Gospel in your home. The tools are: marriage, fathers, discipline, teaching, and affection. Our marriages preach to our children. They tell children whether or not we truly embrace the humility and forgiveness that the Gospel preaches. Farley says that marriage is the most important tool we have in communicating the Gospel to our children. Fathers become the primary model of Christ in the family. Both boys and girls learn their relational identity from their fathers and a church and family is energized by the servant leadership of men. Discipline focused in the Gospel uses “the rod” to awaken the heart of the seriousness of sinful rebellion and bathes children in loving forgiveness, guiding them to repentance in prayer. Gospel-powered parents recognize that it is not the church’s or the state’s responsibility to educate and train their children. No matter what type of education is chosen, it is based on the knowledge that parents are responsible to educate and evangelize the souls God has entrusted to them. Finally, Farley says parents should shower their children with affection, showing them that they truly care for their little souls.

William Farley’s Gospel-Powered Parenting is an extremely important book for all who desire to parent biblically. It is a reminder of the immense responsibility of Christian parenting and God’s design is to bring children to a knowledge of the Savior through Christian homes. This book points us then to the purpose of parenting: “Ultimately the goal of parenting is not your child’s happiness. It is not your happiness either. It is not their academic or career success. It is not your reputation. The goal is the glory of God.” (pg. 198) And it reminds parents to trust in the power of the Gospel to overcome our parenting failures: “So the gospel not only teaches us how to parent. The gospel salves the wounds of our imperfections, and it encourages us to persevere through our failures.” (pg. 220)

Slow Progress for this Pilgrim

As our Tuesday night Bible study finished up going through 1 Peter and I start preparing to study Philippians, I am really being convicted about my worldliness. In 1 Peter, he is writing to Christians in Rome who are being severely persecuted (read: burned, imprisoned, beaten) for their faith and Peter is writing to them to encourage them to stay faithful. Right in the beginning of the letter he encourages them by reminding them that they are strangers of the world (aliens, pilgrims, sojourners, exiles, foreigners), meaning that they may live under the authority of the Roman government, but they are merely strangers in the land; citizens of a different world.

Paul similarly displays this attitude in his letter to the Philippians; describing how he is willing to give up all that seems good in the world so that the gospel can be proclaimed. He takes Jesus call to deny himself very seriously and says he counts all the seemingly great things he has as "rubbish."

In my own life I have found myself too busy to really get serious about proclaiming the gospel to the world and personally investing more time in discipling those who are young in the faith. My personal prayer and study time has been diminishing as I find too many excuses to ignore such vital components of the Christian life. This summer, I thought, would be a season of great growth for me and the ministries I am involved in. But I have found myself along for the ride as every single weekend is planned out for me doing something different and I am sacrificing my prayer time, Bible study, personal reading, and ministry opportunities.

The difficult thing is that the things that are taking up my time aren’t necessarily sinful. Going to cousins weddings, visiting aunts and uncles, family reunions, playing baseball with unsaved neighbors and attending graduations aren’t bad things and are actually good things because I get opportunities to discuss the gospel with many different people. But it comes at a cost of my first ministries; my own sanctification, my wife (and soon my first child), and serving in my own church.

During the week it is so easy to go through the routine of life that I forget that I am a pilgrim simply passing through this world. I think that too often we justify our worldly behavior by pointing out that it isn’t specifically defined as a sin. However, anything that takes time away from what we have been called to do is also a sin and that is where I find myself battling right now. We are called to deny our personal desires and to gain holy desires to serve the King who is coming soon to take us home.

Imagine how much time we would have to read our Bibles if we got rid of our televisions. I know, I know. Watching TV isn’t in itself a sin. But it is so easy to be distracted by it. It consumes an hour of your life before you realize what happened. How much more time would we have to serve in a church ministry if we spent less time surfing the internet for no reason or being entertained by some game.

Often times in our efforts to be relevant to the world by “becoming all things to all men” we lose focus on the fact that we are not of this world. Even though we live in America, our citizenship is of another world. We work daily at our jobs and live in an entertainment culture and it is too easy to end up going through life like people who are of this world.

I pray that we can all be reminded more often that Christians are not of this world. We are called to deny ourselves and take up the cross daily. Being a Christian isn’t about doing the same things as everyone else while wearing a name tag that says “Christian.” It isn’t an easy life that involves being everyone’s friend so they might like Jesus too. It often involves losing friends, sacrificing some of our favorite things, and delaying gratification until Christ returns. We are foreigners to this land. People should recognize us as foreigners by how we talk, what we are entertained by, what consumes our free time. I pray that I can become a much better example of the pilgrim life.

"If it doesn't matter the day you die, it doesn't matter." -Mark Cahill