Parenting: Your Marriage Preaches

What is the most effective parenting tool for the Christian? It is your marriage. Here is a great excerpt from the highly recommended book, Gospel Powered Parenting:

“This mystery [marriage] is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Here is Paul’s point. From before time began, God had marriage on his mind. He was preparing a bride for his Son, whom he would marry forever. It would take the crucifixion and resurrection of the Groom to bring this marriage to pass. Think of it. God created the most intimate human relationship, marriage, to speak of the intimacy of his relationship with his church.

God created the institution of human marriage to reflect, or mirror forth, this eternal union. In other words, human marriage exists to point men and angels to the eternal marriage of Christ and his church. The gospel made this divine marriage possible. Here is our point: human marriage exists to preach the gospel. It exists to illustrate the fruit that should follow the preaching of the gospel in the church.

To whom do our marriage preach? Of course, the first audience is God and his angels. They watch and rejoice, or if our marriage is a war zone, they grieve.

Who is the second audience? Most of us think first about our non-Christian neighbors. Maybe they will see our attempts to model Christian marriage and want the gospel? They might, and we hope they will, but actually they are the third audience.

The second audience, usually overlooked by most Christians, is our children. What is our marriage telling them about Christ and his bride? They see it all. They hear our fights. They absorb our attitudes. They know who or what really sits on the throne of our lives. They watch how we handle resentment. They hear the way we talk to each other. They know when we hear the Sunday sermon and apply it. They also know when we ignore it.

The message that our marriage preaches either repels or attracts our children. God wants your child to watch your marriage and think, “I want a marriage like that, and I want the God that produced it.” Or, “When I think of the beauty of the gospel, I think of my parents’ marriage. I want to be part of a church that is loved by God the way my dad loves my mother. I want to be part of a church that finds its joy in submitting to Christ as my mother joyfully submits to my father.”

Gospel-Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting, William P. Farley (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2009).

What's My Motive?

As I have worked through the first few joyous weeks of my baby girl’s life, I have been doing a lot of self-examination and reflection on life. I have often struggled to find out what I wanted to become in life. I have been a graphic artist, obtained an education and employment in civil engineering, and even begun taking seminary courses. Each month I spend some time looking through job postings looking for something that might be a more fulfilling career. I have been blessed with multiple talents and could choose from quite a variety of interests, but nothing gives me the desire to work at and be the best at it. Except for one thing; my family.

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a husband and a dad. When I was little and helped take care of my brothers and sister, my parents often told me how great I was doing and what a good dad I would become. All through school I saw people dating each other for no apparent reason. I couldn’t understand why people were dating without serious consideration about whether that person was to be the one they would pledge their life to. I was determined to find that special girl and love her like no one has loved his wife before and become the best dad the world has ever seen.

All of this history brings me to today. I have been married to Molly for a couple weeks over three years; after dating for 5 ½ years. We were just blessed seven weeks ago with a beautiful baby girl who is now starting to smile at her daddy. I find myself, without much thought at all, sacrificing the things I once enjoyed to make sure my little girl taken care of. My pile of books to be read has been temporarily set aside for reading on biblical parenting.

Which has led me to great conviction. I suddenly realize more than before that as the head of this family, I bear the responsibility to lead my wife and children in godliness; to model Christ and teach His word to my family regularly. To me, it’s not as overwhelming as it is for some people because this is something I always wanted and prepared for. However, I am now asking myself why I wanted these things.

When I was a child, I wanted children to be a good dad and get praise from my parents. When I was a teenager, I wanted a girlfriend to fulfill my own personal longings and to make all the other girls jealous that they weren’t with me (trust me, nobody in high school was ever jealous of me). I wanted a wife who would be proud to boast of her great husband and children who thought the world of their dad. I wanted people to ask me for advice on marriage and parenting asking me, “How do you do it?”

When I now ask myself “why,” I see that on the surface I may have looked polished, respectable, kind, and loving. On the inside, it was all for selfish motives. While many others benefited, I looked for personal gratification and praise. It was all me-centered. The One who created marriage, who gives the blessing of children, who established the family, did it for His glory and His honor and His praise.

God created marriage to be a reflection of the love between Him and His church. God created families to share the love He has for His creation and to make more people to worship Him. He gives us roles in the family to understand love through submission to each other. He teaches through the family to respect authority even when we sometimes disagree so that we learn to respect and surrender to His ultimate authority. It is all designed for us to see Him through it all.

Today, as I learn (some by studying, some by trial and error) to be a husband and daddy, I must continue to ask myself, “Why am I doing this?” Why do I want children? Why do I send my children to school? Why do I teach them to say “Please” and “Thank You”? Why do I want them to eat their vegetables, brush their teeth, and go to bed at night?

While I do benefit from godliness, the ultimate purpose of my family is to glorify Christ in our love for each other and our obedience to Him; and to guide our children to become worshippers of the Most High God.

What motives do you have for pursuing the things that consume your time? Is it for your own fulfillment or for God’s glory?

Colossians 3:17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

1 Corinthians 10:31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.