What about discipline?

1) Be consistent - don't say anything that you are not willing to follow through on - i.e. "I'm going to ground you for life!" or "If you do not stop, I will spank you".

2) Don't be afraid to say, "I am too angry right now to discipline you. If I did, I would just be responding in anger. I will let you know your discipline when I have had time to pray through my own anger."

3) Only give a command when you are prepared to follow through with biblical discipline if that command is disobeyed.

4) Respond to a loud or angry or demanding child by saying, "When your voice is the same level as mine, I will respond to you." (Of course, you have to be speaking in a calm voice!)

5) Spanking is not the only way to train a child. There are alternative discipline techniques such as "time-outs," "removal of privileges," "praise for good behavior," and they work. These alternative techniques actually elicit the same amount of grief, tears, and elimination of unwanted behavior as spanking did for me. This helps me be a better parent by forcing me to become more thoughtful in understanding why the bad behavior occurred, more empathetic in communicating to my children the wanted behavior, and more creative in devising ways to help them establish better behavior.

Parenting: Your Marriage Preaches

What is the most effective parenting tool for the Christian? It is your marriage. Here is a great excerpt from the highly recommended book, Gospel Powered Parenting:

“This mystery [marriage] is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Here is Paul’s point. From before time began, God had marriage on his mind. He was preparing a bride for his Son, whom he would marry forever. It would take the crucifixion and resurrection of the Groom to bring this marriage to pass. Think of it. God created the most intimate human relationship, marriage, to speak of the intimacy of his relationship with his church.

God created the institution of human marriage to reflect, or mirror forth, this eternal union. In other words, human marriage exists to point men and angels to the eternal marriage of Christ and his church. The gospel made this divine marriage possible. Here is our point: human marriage exists to preach the gospel. It exists to illustrate the fruit that should follow the preaching of the gospel in the church.

To whom do our marriage preach? Of course, the first audience is God and his angels. They watch and rejoice, or if our marriage is a war zone, they grieve.

Who is the second audience? Most of us think first about our non-Christian neighbors. Maybe they will see our attempts to model Christian marriage and want the gospel? They might, and we hope they will, but actually they are the third audience.

The second audience, usually overlooked by most Christians, is our children. What is our marriage telling them about Christ and his bride? They see it all. They hear our fights. They absorb our attitudes. They know who or what really sits on the throne of our lives. They watch how we handle resentment. They hear the way we talk to each other. They know when we hear the Sunday sermon and apply it. They also know when we ignore it.

The message that our marriage preaches either repels or attracts our children. God wants your child to watch your marriage and think, “I want a marriage like that, and I want the God that produced it.” Or, “When I think of the beauty of the gospel, I think of my parents’ marriage. I want to be part of a church that is loved by God the way my dad loves my mother. I want to be part of a church that finds its joy in submitting to Christ as my mother joyfully submits to my father.”

Gospel-Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting, William P. Farley (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2009).

Vote: Life or Death

This article is quite shocking in itself. A couple has gotten pregnant and aren't sure if they are ready to be parents. The question they are asking themselves is not parenting or adoption; it is parenting or abortion. The adoption option seems to be missing. But instead of seeking out wise counsel, they have made an online poll and asked the public to make the decision for them.

Knowing what the human heart is capable of and how little our society values God-given life, it really isn't much of a surprise. It is especially heartbreaking to read a story like this when so many people, including me, have been waiting for a long time to adopt children. What I do find interesting regarding this story, is that as I listen to commentary on the radio or read it on the internet, everyone seems to be outraged; even pro-choice people. Suddenly a pro-choice advocate has a conscience regarding the life of the unborn child?

If the thing inside the mother is just a blob of tissue as a pro-choicer believes, then this is an amoral decision and no outrage should follow. But something inside them screams that it is wrong, and even though it contradicts their worldview, they still cry out against it. It is a child growing inside that woman. It is wrong to put this decision to public vote because it is wrong to play so carelessly with a person created in God's image.

I wonder how that baby would vote?

Fathers...

Many folks at EBC have given input about about parenting. This post is about the importance of the fathers role.

1) A child's identity is formed primarily through their relationship with their father.

2) A daughter learns what type of man to marry from her father's example and a son learns what type of husband to be from his father's example.

3) There are two things that are guiding me as a [father]; the word of God, and watching other believers in their families. The more God molds me, the more different I become. God tells me in the word to encourage and discipline my child, and that I have authority over him. He also tells me to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry; he doesn't make an exception if I'm angry at my child. I'm supposed to "let my gentleness be evident to all" (again no exception).

Parenting and church and the Bible

1) I think the Bible is the most powerful parenting tool we have. It doesn't have to be used as a hammer - where you throw it in the child's face and demand that he obey it. But just reading it and giving the Holy Spirit the chance to sink it in can change a child's life. One time when our kids were in conflict, I just read 1 Corinthians 13 slowly enough for it to sink in, and the Spirit did the work through the word.

2) I was told once when I was going out or something “Remember who you represent” which means you represent Christ and your parents and family member's name. We tell our kids the same thing, kind of a good thing to make you think about things.

3) It is the parent's responsibility to teach and model the gospel to the children, not the churches.

4) Your child - whom you believe to be the cutest, most innocent being ever - is still a sinner who needs a new heart that comes from the shed blood of Christ.

5) Parenting must not be about having a child who makes you look good or makes your life easier, it is about making disciples through the gospel.

In the beginning…

1) Let the kids "cry it out" a couple of nights, and they'll quickly figure out to go to sleep was pretty good.

2) Don't try to be quiet around a newborn. The sooner they get used to noise (and they can sleep through it) the better.

3) Don't sweat the small stuff! Little kids, little problems- big problems. Enjoy this moment of your children- living in the past or future will cause you to miss the now.

4) "Don't wait until everything is in place before you start living your life. There will always be something else to do or something else to achieve, and if you wait until it's all in place, then it'll be too late." – Work your career around your life instead of the other way around. Also, try to squeeze as much family time into every day rather than just waiting for the day I finally have a "real" job.

5) Parenting is a full-time responsibility. Careers, hobbies, friends, and comforts will need to be sacrificed to be successful.

Parenting - before you start

The following suggestions are from attendees of Emmanuel Baptist Church, Rochester MN.

#1) Wait [a while] to get to know your spouse. Otherwise. . . after [you have] kids you wonder who the person sleeping next to you is?

#2) It's easier to give life than to give love.

#3) Early in our marriage, my Mom reminded me to take care of and invest in my relationship with my husband all through my marriage. She said someday your children will be gone and you need to be excited to spend the rest of your life with the man you married. It was great advice and at times hard when we were in the midst of raising children, establishing careers, etc. but I always remembered her advice.

The best parenting advice

The current preaching series at Emmanuel Baptist Church is on Godly parenting. Current and future

parents were asked to submit their answers to the title question,

“What is the best parenting advice you ever received / implemented / or used as a parent?”

The next series of posts is geared to get your feedback. I will organize posts somewhat by theme.

Current series:

sermon 1) Godly parenting: The place to start

You must parent yourself before you can parent your children.

Sermon 2) Godly parenting: The objective

The goal of parenting is to prepare children to meet Jesus.

Sermon 3) Godly parenting: The discipline

Sermon 4) Godly parenting: The pitfalls