Ever think that someone in the church is needlessly antagonistic? The presence of antagonists is never healthy, but is invariably harmful to the church and its leadership. Kenneth Haugk in “Antagonists in the Church” describes an antagonist this way. Antagonists are individuals who, on the basis of no substantive evidence, go out of their way to make insatiable demands, usually attacking the person or performance of others. These attacks are selfish in nature, tearing down rather than building up, and are frequently directed against those in a leadership capacity. Recent literature in the area of conflict resolution has begun to recognize that there are individuals who initiate and thrive on unhealthy conflict, persons who have no desire whatsoever to see conflict resolved.

Regarding the unique congregational structures and how they contribute to antagonism, Mr. Haugk writes this. For too long, congregations how been places where antagonists can operate with success. Their behavior is not as successful in many other areas of life because in those areas it is simply not tolerated. ….Why has there been antagonism in churches? Because too often people have felt that antagonists had to be placated…. when someone with antagonistic tendencies takes hold of issues, the result is often destructive and divisive. The antagonist is usually not interested in the issues themselves; they are only a means to his or her own peculiar end. (pg 39)

In regard to the passive silence and apathy of a congregation, he says that when a congregation is attacked, it needs a very vocal group of people who are willing to confront the antagonists directly in order to give them the firm message that their behavior will not be tolerated. As long as the majority of people silently sit by, thinking the pastor will take care of it and it’s not their fight, the more encouraged the antagonists are, and the more they accelerate their attack. He speaks too of the extreme loneliness a pastor under attack experiences when individuals tell him privately they support him, yet will not take a stand and support him publicly or rebuke the attackers. He writes, “Silent supporters are no supporters”. The essential point that he makes, which is not intuitive to most people, is that an attack against a pastor is virtually never a problem with the pastor, but with the congregation that allows it to happen, by their silence.

When one individual assumes the whole burden of dealing with an antagonist, the result is rarely healthy. The obligation to deal with the situation properly resides in the corporate leadership of the congregation and, to a lesser extent, in the congregation as a whole. (pg 23)

What happens during an attack? The most immediate and obvious effects are that attendance in a previously growing congregation drops off precipitously, and interest in evangelism becomes almost non-existent. People on the fringes of congregational life do not want to be involved in the conflict, and almost everyone loses interest in bringing others into the congregation because of the tense atmosphere and shame people feel because of the attackers and their ungodly behavior. However, the antagonists then jump on the fact that attendance is down, and try to lay the blame for this on the pastor, when it is in actual fact the inevitable result of their own actions.

He discusses many distinguishing characteristics and “red flags” that can let a congregation know when they are faced with an antagonist. There are too many to list here, but a few worth mentioning include
a) a previous track record of antagonism toward church leaders and pastors,
b) bringing “concerns” to church leadership on behalf of “unnamed others” who have somehow chosen to confide in them, and
c) flaunting their financial donations and making a point of letting others know that they are not giving as much to the church because of “the situation”.

He then points out early and late warning signs of an imminent attack by an antagonist, as follows:

Early warning signs:
• A chill in the relationship
• Honeyed “concerns”
• Nettlesome questions
• Mobilizing forces and pot-stirring
• Meddling
• Resistance
Later warning signs:
• Sloganeering – (“There is not enough love in the congregation”)
• Accusing
• Spying
• Distorting
• Misquoting scripture
• “Judas kissing”
• Smirking
• Pestering
• Letter writing
• Pretense
• Lobbying (pg 63-66)

The author warns that, when these warnings signs begin to be seen, especially in antagonists who have a long track record of being antagonistic to every pastor and leader the church has had, an attack is imminent. Something must be done to stop the attack before it happens, for antagonists are never satisfied with their small victories. On the contrary, every perceived success only reinforces and emboldens them, so that each subsequent attack become more vicious and more harmful to the leader who is attacked and to the congregation.

Effects of antagonism on the church

“By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35).

When arguing and antagonism wrack a congregation, its witness to the God of love is destroyed. Antagonists choose not to live out the love of Christ. Strife is introduced in love’s place, and with strife goes jealousy and anger. The primary effect of antagonism on God’s people is destruction. Visible expressions of the unconditional love of Christ are among the first casualties of active antagonism. Antagonism destroys the unique, loving witness of Christians and the vitality of the congregation, calling forth God’s anger.

Treatment for antagonism

“I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them” (Romans 16:17).

This is always the first step toward dealing with antagonism: watch out for it, be aware of it. The apostle Paul did not leave to his readers’ imaginations whom they were to watch. They were to watch for those who created dissension and caused divisions.

The Bible speaks definitively about the final treatment for those who persist in causing division and heartache in the church: “Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned” (Titus 3:10,11).

Dismissing someone should not be done lightly. But the words “have nothing to do with him” are a clear-cut response to an individual who persists in divisiveness after the first and second warnings. Paul told Titus not to engage in extensive attempts to smooth things over with the troublemaker; he was simply to avoid having anything to do with that person.

The apostolic guideline is clear: When confronted with an antagonist, face the probability that change simply will not occur. He is “self-condemned.” Stay away from that person.

This is the kind of book every congregation hopes it will never have to read. But all are reminded by the author of the importance of recognizing and dealing with harmful behavior.

What's My Motive?

As I have worked through the first few joyous weeks of my baby girl’s life, I have been doing a lot of self-examination and reflection on life. I have often struggled to find out what I wanted to become in life. I have been a graphic artist, obtained an education and employment in civil engineering, and even begun taking seminary courses. Each month I spend some time looking through job postings looking for something that might be a more fulfilling career. I have been blessed with multiple talents and could choose from quite a variety of interests, but nothing gives me the desire to work at and be the best at it. Except for one thing; my family.

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a husband and a dad. When I was little and helped take care of my brothers and sister, my parents often told me how great I was doing and what a good dad I would become. All through school I saw people dating each other for no apparent reason. I couldn’t understand why people were dating without serious consideration about whether that person was to be the one they would pledge their life to. I was determined to find that special girl and love her like no one has loved his wife before and become the best dad the world has ever seen.

All of this history brings me to today. I have been married to Molly for a couple weeks over three years; after dating for 5 ½ years. We were just blessed seven weeks ago with a beautiful baby girl who is now starting to smile at her daddy. I find myself, without much thought at all, sacrificing the things I once enjoyed to make sure my little girl taken care of. My pile of books to be read has been temporarily set aside for reading on biblical parenting.

Which has led me to great conviction. I suddenly realize more than before that as the head of this family, I bear the responsibility to lead my wife and children in godliness; to model Christ and teach His word to my family regularly. To me, it’s not as overwhelming as it is for some people because this is something I always wanted and prepared for. However, I am now asking myself why I wanted these things.

When I was a child, I wanted children to be a good dad and get praise from my parents. When I was a teenager, I wanted a girlfriend to fulfill my own personal longings and to make all the other girls jealous that they weren’t with me (trust me, nobody in high school was ever jealous of me). I wanted a wife who would be proud to boast of her great husband and children who thought the world of their dad. I wanted people to ask me for advice on marriage and parenting asking me, “How do you do it?”

When I now ask myself “why,” I see that on the surface I may have looked polished, respectable, kind, and loving. On the inside, it was all for selfish motives. While many others benefited, I looked for personal gratification and praise. It was all me-centered. The One who created marriage, who gives the blessing of children, who established the family, did it for His glory and His honor and His praise.

God created marriage to be a reflection of the love between Him and His church. God created families to share the love He has for His creation and to make more people to worship Him. He gives us roles in the family to understand love through submission to each other. He teaches through the family to respect authority even when we sometimes disagree so that we learn to respect and surrender to His ultimate authority. It is all designed for us to see Him through it all.

Today, as I learn (some by studying, some by trial and error) to be a husband and daddy, I must continue to ask myself, “Why am I doing this?” Why do I want children? Why do I send my children to school? Why do I teach them to say “Please” and “Thank You”? Why do I want them to eat their vegetables, brush their teeth, and go to bed at night?

While I do benefit from godliness, the ultimate purpose of my family is to glorify Christ in our love for each other and our obedience to Him; and to guide our children to become worshippers of the Most High God.

What motives do you have for pursuing the things that consume your time? Is it for your own fulfillment or for God’s glory?

Colossians 3:17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

1 Corinthians 10:31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

An Atheist on Evangelism

This man claims that he "knows" there is no God (not sure how that is possible), but he sure is right when it comes to sharing your faith. He says if you truly believe that people are going to hell, that eternal heaven is possible, and you don't tell them what you know, you must have some hatred for them. Doesn't he have a point? Isn't the best way we can love people to share the good news of forgiveness of sins with them.

The power of praise

Do you like to be noticed? Do you like to be appreciated? Do you like to be praised? Certainly all of us do not like to be ignored, taken for granted, or criticized. However, the way we respond to praise, according to Proverbs 27:21, says a lot about us. Solomon, a person who’s name is synonymous with wisdom, said, “Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but a person is tested by being praised.” (NLT) The original Hebrew has a few less words, seven to be exact. The literal Hebrew rendering is, “Crucible to silver, furnace to gold, man to mouth of praise.”

In the original writing, the phrase "is tested" is not there, but it is implied. The analogy is simple. A crucible is a container in which metals are melted. When metal is melted under high temperatures, the pure metal separates from the other ingredients. As the unwanted junk separates from the pure metal and “floats” to the top of the crucible, the impurities are able to be removed. The metal then becomes more pure. Furnace is another way of saying the same thing. The furnace is the source of the heat, the crucible is the container placed in the heat. Both are critical to purifying metal, and to use either word is to say the same thing.

Proverbs 17:3 uses the same phrase, but with a different ending. Here the verse says, “Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but the Lord tests the heart. (NLT)” In this verse, the Lord is the fire or crucible and his action or testing reveals the true heart of man. In Proverbs 17 the Lord is the tester, in Proverbs 27 the praise is the tester.

So what is the connection to praise and men? How does the metaphor work? Something has to be the tester (the furnace or crucible) and something has to be what is tested and made more pure (the silver or gold). There are several options to consider.

First what is the tester and what is the tested. Is man tested by praise, or is praise tested by man? In the first case, if a man is tested by praise, then the man’s response to the praise he receives will say or reveal something about the man. When someone receives praise, the praise may serve to reveal impurities in the person praised. With the impurities revealed, they can be removed, and the person is made more pure.

In the second case, if praise is tested by man, then it would appear that a person is to test praise he or she receives to see if it is valid or not. This is certainly an important part of receiving praise. Is the praise valid? Or, am I merely being flattered? Another way of saying the same thing is to ask the question, “What do I do with the praise I receive? Do I accept the praise, reject the praise, or respond in thanks to the praise?” One could deny that an action was praise worthy. Or, one can become proud thinking that the praise was well deserved. In this way, a person tests the praise received.

The challenge in the interpretation in the second case is that the analogy of the furnace or crucible seems to disappear. While we would all be wise to consider the validity of praise, this consideration alone does not seem to meet the extreme requirements of placing impure objects in a heated environment to reveal impurities so that the impurities can be removed. Therefore, we seem almost forced to choose option number 1 and say that the praise tests the person, and not the other way around. A man is there fore tested by his response praise.

This interpretation allows two possibilities as well. One, if a man is tested by praise, then, is the praise given to a person used to determine what a person is really like? Or two, is it the man’s response to the praise he receives that reveals what the person is really like?

In the first case, a man could determine what he is really like by listening to the praise of others. The praise is the crucible or furnace that reveals truth to a person. This explanation is fraught with difficulty. It is true that sometimes the praise of man might be accurate and helpful. But, we know too well that often the praise of man is not accurate. Public opinion is very commonly false and is always a very unsafe criterion of moral excellence. Sometimes, the praise of man is manipulative, or flattery, or just simply false praise to garner the good favor of the one praised. Also, some of the most praised persons have turned out to be unworthy of praise. Everyone was praising Herod in Acts chapter 12 and God killed him. Here, the praise of the people was wrong. With regard to Jesus, the crowds were screaming “crucify him.” No praise for Jesus here, and once again, the crowds were wrong.

In the second case, we consider how it might be that a man’s response to the praise he receives reveals what the man is really like. This looks like the best interpretation of the analogy. So then, the praise is the furnace or crucible in the life of a person which reveals the impurities in the heart. The revelation of these impurities allows them to be removed. As the impurities are removed, a person then becomes increasing pure. This purity gained is certainly in heart and motive and attitude.

How does this work? If praise to a man is the fire that reveals impurities, what impurities can be revealed by praise? Among them are pride, compromise, and laziness.

The most obvious would be pride. It is so easy when praised to think praise is deserved. One may think that finally someone has noticed my exceptional traits or work. One might be prone to take the glory in an accomplishment that was meant to go to God. One might forget that we “.. do not have anything that we did not receive..” (1 Cor 4:17) One may forget that God is worthy of all praise and glory, and that we are right to deflect praise back to God and express thanks for his kindness, grace, and mercy to us.

Another impurity revealed by the crucible of praise is compromise. Most of us delight in being praised, or noticed, or recognized. We may find that we like praise enough to compromise our integrity to get more of it. Decisions that are not the best decisions might be made just to gain the praise of men. The apostle John accurately condemned the self righteous Pharisees in John 12 by saying they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God. One might be tempted to compromise the truth in order to keep the praise of man coming. One is likely to be criticized for holding firm to the gospel and its truth. It seems like those who give up on clear gospel truth and allow others to believe whatever they choose are praised by men for their kind and loving tolerance of others. Craving the praise of men at the expense of the praise of God is an impurity revealed by the furnace of praise.

The last impurity revealed by praise is laziness. Praise for something could cause an individual to take a talent or gift for granted, and to neglect it. Confident swimmers drown because they become over confident. Confident people fail when they overestimate their abilities, and stop working to refine and improve their skills. Never use the praise for a job well done to assume you can relax your efforts.

Praise is the crucible that reveals the heart. If praise makes you proud, or compromise, or lazy, there was an issue before the praise came along. The praise reveals the preexisting issue. Matthew Henry said, “Silver and gold are tried by putting them into the furnace….so is man tried by praising him….. Let him be extolled and preferred, and then he will show himself what he is.”

One saint from the past said that praise tortures the just, but elates the wicked. But while it tortures, it purifies the just; and while it pleases the wicked, it proves them to be reprobate. Those who revel in their own praise are not seeking the glory of their Maker. But those who seek the glory of their Maker are tortured by praise, knowing that the praise of men might soften the firmness of their heart, and might cause the heart in self-satisfaction to relax in its praises of the glory of God. When praise is truly redirected to God, then men can even long for and welcome praise so that what is written may prove true. "That they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven"

So what do we do with praise? If praise reveals what is in the heart of a person, what do I want to be revealed when I am praised? Good question.

Most importantly, praise should reveal our deep thanks to God, and not our satisfaction in our selves. Any worthy performance, talent, skill or accomplishment is the result of the grace of God working in the lives of his creation. Praise should be the spark that lights a firestorm of thanks to God. Persons characterized by ungratefulness will never be thankful to God, and no amount of praise will ever please them. It is a deep sense of appreciation to God that helps the recipient of praise only be more thankful to God for his kindness.

Praise should cause us to be more respectful to our friends who are kind enough to point out our good traits or works. True friends, who really know us, know our failures and shortcomings often better than we do. Those who know us the best know our weaknesses and our strengths. Our respect for friends who tell us the truth should go so far as to expect that they have earned the right to tell us what is not praiseworthy in us as well. A true, respected friend will balance the legitimate praise with legitimate correction. Respect your friends for operating on both sides of praise.

Praise should also cause us to be more guarded. The skills or talents that we have gained through diligence may easily be lost through carelessness and neglect. 1 Timothy 4:14 tells us not to neglect the gift that is in us. The passage continues by admonishing us to throw ourselves in to our tasks. We should learn from praise that our gifts are the grace of God expressed in our lives, and we should never take our gifts for granted. Romans 12:6 says “…according to the grace given to us we have differing gifts..” and we are encouraged to use them. In the parable of the talents in Matthew 25 the one who did not put his talent to work had it taken away.

So, what happens to your heart when you are praised? Does your heart overflow with thanks and praise to God? Or, are you happy that finally someone noticed something good that you have done. Remember, that the praise in your life is the fire that refines you.

What is the crucible of praise saying about your heart?

Peace on Earth

Last week, many of you, my wife included, braved the harrowing travail of shopping on Black Friday. Never having figured myself for an aggressive shopper, I contented myself with shopping online (and finished all my shopping, thankfully!). I simply don't have the patience, nor the fortitude, required for shopping at 4 am. It proved a wise move, it seems, since some folks even lost their lives in the quest for outrageous bargains.

We live in a chaotic and turbulent world. People are clamoring for all that can be had. Yet, in their heart of hearts, every person, every single person, desires peace. It is the universal longing among all humanity. For those who have not found it in Christ, the very Prince of Peace, they seek it in every other medium; entertainment, affluence, influence, relationships, etc.

Imagine, for a moment, a lifestyle free of stress, free of harangue. Isn't that what vacations are supposed to bring? Can't vegging in front of the TV even seem to offer peace, in part? It's no wonder that heaven is the consummate end for gaining true and lasting peace.

Hebrews 4, indeed, much of Hebrews entire, speaks of this rest that is yet to come. I love the language here; "Let us be diligent to enter that rest" (v. 11). We must strive to enter that rest; we must endure to the end. It's hard work to find refuge in the Savior sometimes, especially when culture and media scream, "Find peace in me!"

This season, take some time to seek after peace, and don't waste your time with cheap alternatives. Seek after the Savior in the refuge of His Word; carve out some time to simply rest at His feet. Let Him speak to you in prayer, not the other way around. If we've not yet found peace on earth, then, at least, let it reside in your heart and mind.

Drive Carefully!

Well, it's official. Winter has begun in lovely Rochester, MN. No, it's not because of the weekend-long snowfall we've recently enjoyed (it's still early enough in the season that I actually enjoy it!). And, it's not the fact that my wife has switched out her extensive summer wardrobe for her "Man, it's still cold" winter wardrobe. The telltale sign that winter has officially come are the number of cars I see that have skidded off the road, or into the highway barricade.

That's right; Minnesotans sure know winter, but it takes a yearly reminder, it seems, to say, "Hey, you can't drive like that anymore" (and not for another six months, typically). Thankfully, I'm still new enough in town that I don't trust my instinct. I putter along like a nervous teenager, or an aging senior. But, I'm sure, like many of my Northern brethren, I will grow overconfident with each passing winter, and end up in a ditch somewhere.

Isn't that the way God works in our lives? We get a little overzealous, start to think we've got this thing figured out, and He allows circumstances to remind us, "Hey, this is My show." And, I don't know about you, but I'd much rather He pilot my life than keep bouncing against the guardrail!

My prayer is that you and I will "trust in the Lord with all our hearts, not relying on our own understanding," but, rather "think about Him in all of our ways, that He may guide us on the right paths;" that we "not consider ourselves to be wise, but fear the Lord and shun evil" (Proverbs 3:5-7). My prayer is that you and I will be so grateful for His care and providence over our lives (1 Peter 5:7-8) that we would never turn to the right or to the left (Joshua 1:7), but would follow faithfully His Word. The true disciple is the one who follows His Lord, even when he can't see through the snow.

The storms will come, whether you're in wintry Minnesota, or tropical Florida. The question is, will we confront them "sober and alert," ever vigilant to keep the faith, or will we succumb to that danger ahead, and all around?

Wait, wait...

Previously, I wrote of Christian girls "settling" for unbelieving boyfriends/spouses (since one will beget the other). As I've further considered this phenomenon, I fear I may have neglected one particularly affective component: the role of the father.

As a father, I have been reminded, already, that if I neglect my daughter, she will seek out that affection from the first one to show it. As fathers, it behooves us to rescue our daughters from this dastardly trap, by placing our affections squarely where they should be; on our families and mission, not on our own selfish interests. That includes working hard at our work, even if it is a "ministry." Let us not forget; Christ Jesus called us to Himself before He ever led us to serve His church. We must be the church, first and foremost, and that begins in our homes.

Please understand; I'm not advocating that these young ladies, then, are somehow exempt from their poor choices. I'm certainly not a proponent of the current trend to blame anyone else, save for one's self and their own sin nature. What I do want to be careful to note, however, is how easily my sin can impinge upon those I love, or profess to love, since love is best evidenced in action, not in words alone. We're reminded in Mosaic literature that the curse will extend to even the third and fourth generations of our family. We should be careful, then, to honor the Lord God in rearing our families in love.

Just Be Patient!

I'm scared. I"m scared for the number of Christian girls I know, or have known, who are mixed up in relationships with unbelieving guys. What gives? Why does this seem so prevalent and reoccurring? I'm sure I'll come off as an old dote in this, and will probably garner more negative feedback than anything, but, some things beg to be said, in the hopes that my true concern shines through, and defenses aren't automatically put up.

And, I'm not preaching here, people; far from it. I've just seen too often, and too close to home, what such relationships can do for a great Christian girl. My heart breaks at the prospect of such long-term relationships getting started on such unequal footing. I suppose it's easily enough done; guy shows girl interest, girl enjoys said interest, girl gives guy a chance. Guy may even make assurances of a walk with Christ, but, if there's one thing I know about being a man, it's that we'll do anything to "get the girl." We'll say stupid things, do stupid things, make up things; whatever it takes.

I'll never forget what my father-in-law said to me when he officiated my wedding. He said, in so many words, that guys enjoy "the hunt." And, it's so true; we are validated when we win someone's heart. And, girls--I'm no expert here, but...--girls seem to find validation in being accepted. In a way, both guys and girls are seeking approval, and we'll jump at the first "nice" guy or girl who will give it.

All I'm saying is this: I'm tired of watching people I care about settle. I don't know if we grow impatient for affection, or that we want to believe someone knows the Lord so badly that we convince ourselves that they do; I don't know. What I do know is that it's a recipe for disaster, and the Lord truly does have our best intentions at heart when He says not to be "unequally yoked." Our faith is tested when we decide whether we'll "seek first His kingdom," and if we'll truly believe that "all of these (other) things (joy, happiness, companionship) will be added" to our lives. The truth is, "He will supply all of our needs," including relationships, "according to His riches in glory."

For anyone who's reading this, know that I write this with all love and affection. With a daughter now of my own, I can think of little else that is more heartbreaking than the prospect that, one, she wouldn't know the Lord, and, two, that she wouldn't trust Him for providing the perfect mate.

You're worth waiting for, and so is he (whoever he is).